Give me a Coors Light

7 new York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman’s personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.

The results:

Drink: Beer
Personality: Causal, low-maintenance; down to earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

Drink: Blender Drinks
Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the ass.
Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabana boy.

Drink: Mixed Drinks
Personality: Older, more refined, high maintenance, has very picky taste; knows EXACTLY what she wants.
Your Approach: You won’t have to approach her. If she’s interested, she’ll send YOU a drink.

Drink: Wine (does not include White Zinfandel)
Personality: Conservative and classy; sophisticated yet giggles.
Your Approach: Tell her you love to travel and spend quiet evenings with friends.

Drink: White Zinfandel
Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually she has NO clue. Possibly lives in a trailer.
Your Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is… this should be an easy target.

Drink: Shots
Personality: Likes to hang in bars WAY too often, looking to get totally drunk…red flag for identifying bar flies and raging alcoholics.
Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. You have been blessed. Nothing to do but wait, however, be careful not to make her mad.

Drink: Tequila
No explanations required – everyone just KNOWS what happens there.

THEN, there is the MALE addendum —- The deal with guys is, as always, very simple and clear cut:

Domestic Beer: He’s poor and wants to get laid.

Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid.

Wine: He’s hoping that the wine will give him a sophisticated image to help him get laid.

Whiskey: He doesn’t give a damn about anything but getting laid.

Tequila: He is thinking he has a chance with the supermodel at the end of the bar.

White Zinfandel: He’s gay!

2 thoughts on “Give me a Coors Light”

  1. Denmark – White Zin obviously
    Sam Williams – Domestic Beer
    Zach Scholz – Whiskey
    Joe Benson – Guiness (Imported Beer)
    Thad Buzolich – Wine
    Kendall Benson – Tequila (in his Margaritas)
    Shannon Kiesling – Mixed Drinks
    Cara Dow – Beer
    Julie McCoy – Shots/Tequila
    Jenny Dinsmore – Wine

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