Category Archives: Funny

Random Facts for Fun

oink oink, it's shaped like a corkscrewIf you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that’s more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out
to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)

A pig’s orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)
Continue reading Random Facts for Fun

Relationships

The best relationship is the one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other

Romance and relationships never seem to be the same experience for any two people, so generalizing is pretty unfair. However, the below statements summarize many truths about experiences with the other sex. Enjoy…

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
Continue reading Relationships

Tid-bits from the Net

  • You may be right, Pythagoras, but everybody’s going to laugh if you call it a ‘hypotenuse’.
  • The secret to good teaching is sincerity. As soon as you learn to fake that, you’ve got it made.
  • Left to its own devices, Nature cures stupidity.”
  • You know you’ve landed gear-up when it takes full power to taxi.
  • Never insult seven men, when all you’re packin’ is a six gun.
  • It is not necessary to imagine the world ending in fire or ice. There are two other possibilities: One is paperwork, and the other is nostalgia.
  • Americans like to talk about (or be told about) democracy but, when put to the test, usually find it to be an ‘inconvience?. We have opted instead for an authoritarian system disguised as a democracy.
  • Sometimes, I think the proof that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the Universe is that it hasn’t contacted us
  • Don’t worry, there’s absolutely no way they can hit us from all they way over th…
  • It’s only fun until someone loses an eye… then it’s fun for one less person.
  • Yield to temptation; it may not pass your way again
  • “Listen! Do you smell something?” – Ray (“Ghostbusters”)
  • A closed mouth gathers no foot.
  • A man about to speak the truth should keep one foot in the stirrup.? – Old Mongolian Saying

– submitted by denmark – World Traveler, part-time escort

Give me a Coors Light

7 new York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman’s personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.

The results:

Drink: Beer
Personality: Causal, low-maintenance; down to earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

Drink: Blender Drinks
Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the ass.
Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabana boy.

Drink: Mixed Drinks
Personality: Older, more refined, high maintenance, has very picky taste; knows EXACTLY what she wants.
Your Approach: You won’t have to approach her. If she’s interested, she’ll send YOU a drink.

Drink: Wine (does not include White Zinfandel)
Personality: Conservative and classy; sophisticated yet giggles.
Your Approach: Tell her you love to travel and spend quiet evenings with friends.

Drink: White Zinfandel
Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually she has NO clue. Possibly lives in a trailer.
Your Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is… this should be an easy target.

Drink: Shots
Personality: Likes to hang in bars WAY too often, looking to get totally drunk…red flag for identifying bar flies and raging alcoholics.
Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. You have been blessed. Nothing to do but wait, however, be careful not to make her mad.

Drink: Tequila
No explanations required – everyone just KNOWS what happens there.

THEN, there is the MALE addendum —- The deal with guys is, as always, very simple and clear cut:

Domestic Beer: He’s poor and wants to get laid.

Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid.

Wine: He’s hoping that the wine will give him a sophisticated image to help him get laid.

Whiskey: He doesn’t give a damn about anything but getting laid.

Tequila: He is thinking he has a chance with the supermodel at the end of the bar.

White Zinfandel: He’s gay!

Newest Heavy Element

A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. This new element has been tentatively named “Administratium.”

Administratium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 111 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Administratium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

A minute amount of Administratium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second.

Administratium has a normal half-life of 3 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization, in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons and assistant deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Administratium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization causes some morons to become neutrons forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Administratium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as
“Critical Morass.”

You will know it when you see it.

Reported by: Daniel